Swear I saw you standing on the corner in the war zone smiling into the sun/ rough around the edges but still radiant in spite of whatever you were on/ dancing down the back streets, too high to be discreet, stepping on every crack/ I tried to catch your eye in the rear view but you were never looking back/ still the drugs don't define you/ so it don't do much good/ trying to make sense of a world no one's really understood/ and all the lovers you've let in let/ you down without fail/ leaving your heart misshapen like a penny on the rails/ on the rails/ I was drifting in and out when my departed friend Daniel came to me in a dream/ it was only for a second but he brought a message that I wasn't ready to receive/ he said nothing is real nevertheless please remember to be kind/ he never did say why he was so quick to leave it all behind/ but death don't define you/ so it don't do much good/ hiding all that hurt inside you no one ever understood/ into the ether/ like a ship without sails/ leaving your heart misshapen like a penny on the rails/ on the rails/ now I'm at a crossroads of darkness and light/ I'm going to cross over as many times as it takes to get it right/ cuz failure don't define you/ so it don't do much good/ fixating on what you can't change instead of fixing what you should/ don't waste your life searching/ for a fictional grail/ leaving your heart misshapen like a penny on the rail/ leaving your heart misshapen like a penny on the rails/ I'm going to lie right here waiting like a penny on the rails

I live in the desert and I bitch about the rain/ every morning I let my shower run an ocean down the drain/ my white privilege wants for nothing, I still make time to complain/ there's always fault to find in something, always someone else to blame/ I am a pessimist by profession, I am profound when I'm stoned/ I spend my paychecks hanging paintings in a house I'll never own/ I spend my days-off drinking beer and watching Syria explode/ raised on illegal entertainment, now I'm stuck in my old ways/ searching blank walls for salvation, I might be sitting here for days/ coming to terms with my temptations, too scared not to stay a slave/ I offer full cooperation, I sleep so well in these chains/ well what would I do? what would I do without? nothing/ what would I do? what would I do without?/ yeah what would I do? what would I do without? nothing/ what would I do? what would I do without? let's find out/ what would I do without? nothing/ what would I do? what would I do without?/ yeah what would I do? what would I do without? nothing/ what would I do? what would I do without?/ yeah what would I do? what would I do without? absolutely nothing/ what would I do? what would I do without? nothing/ what would I do? what would I do without? nothing

Someone else is being told the story behind your scar/ laughing with your family like he's in on the joke/ someone else is trying his hand at figuring out your heart/ getting lost in those eyes that shine like mirrors and smoke/ does he know there was a time you said "yes" to my ring/ we made love on the lake shore and woke up in the rain/ and I wonder if any of it meant a goddamn thing/ or if you ever gave me your true self/ or were you saving that for someone else/ someone else is chasing your drunk ass back to the car/ after you spit at the bouncer and got kicked out the bar/ someone else is up all night watching that sun rise slow/ just praying you're safe wherever you are/ and does he know there was a time you said "yes" to my ring/ we made love on the lake shore and woke up in the rain/ and I wonder if any of it meant a goddamn thing/ or did he feel just like I felt/ when he found you sleeping with someone else/ you still beat me in my dreams/ I still wake up black and blue/ but it don't hurt as bad as knowing/ someone else is waking up next to you/ and does he know there was a time you said "yes" to my ring/ we made love on the lake shore and woke up in the rain/ and I wonder if any of it meant a goddamn thing/ or if you ever gave me your true self/ or were you saving that for someone else/ someone else/ someone else

I've been dreaming 'bout my own death/ heart attack at 53/ supper simmering through the screen door/ finger picking on the front porch/ me and my foggy memories/ there will be handshakes and hugs at the potluck/ tall tales told of success and hard luck/ tears shed over stiff drinks and soft drugs/ and a cover band to carry me home/ spread my ashes up in Jemez when I'm gone/ I've been reading 'bout the new world/ before Columbus set to sea/ how all it took was one wrong turn/ now as we watch paradise burn/ I wonder if you ever think of me/ yeah I know it sounds selfish/ but I'm starting to think that's all love is/ because when I put my heart in your hands/ you tore it out of my chest like a sundance/ swallowed whole and set me free/ there will be handshakes and hugs at the potluck/ tall tales told of success and hard luck/ tears shed over stiff drinks and soft drugs/ and a country band to carry me home/ both my brothers will give brilliant speeches/ while my sister and mama sit weeping/ all my friends will crash through a chorus of my favorite songs/ spread my ashes up in Jemez when I'm gone/ losing sleep over "what ifs"/ still ain't gonna tame the wild west/ I've been dreaming of my own death/ I've been living for that last breath/ yeah I know it sounds selfish/ but spread my ashes up in Jemez when I'm gone/ spread my ashes up in Jemez when I'm gone

I used to be a punk rocker, I used to sing in a punk rock band/ I ran on whiskey and anger like only a young man can/ we toured a million miles, never made a dime/ but money never mattered in that old Econoline/ I used to believe in something, I used to think that the world could change/ I thought the scene would save me, but it was the same shit just rearranged/ I put it all on the table, lost my girl, my god, my mind/ lost a lot of dreams in the seats of that old Econoline/ from the white cliffs of Dover to that black Manhattan smog/ the truck stops of Texas to the techno clubs of Prague/ Zurich's red light district to that Smoky Mountain fog/ I learned to die in my dreams, I lived by the hair of the dog/ I used to be a punk rocker, I used to scream in a punk rock band/ I ran on oxy and anger like only a young man can/ we toured a million countries, never made a dime/ but money never mattered in that old Econoline/ yeah money still don't matter in that old Econoline

Well the boys and I had us an intervention/ they sat me down in that hardwood hotel chair/ they said "we understand you've got the best intentions/ but if you can't quit your drinking we'll quit right here"/ so it only took me 2 seconds to ponder/ as terrifying as it was to take it all in/ I could keep on keeping company with my demons/ or I could kill the devil like a goddamn man/ so I ain't singing 'bout whiskey, I ain't singing 'bout wine/ I ain't slurring my words or stumbling through so-called good times/ no more hangovers or heavy pours/ I ain't singing about drinking anymore/ ever since I turned 21 I can't remember/ a single night where I wasn't three sheets deep/ I used to think it helped me be more social/ I used to think it helped me fall asleep/ but after years of beers I couldn't help but notice/ that I'd been spending most of my mornings sick/ my lack of motivation seemed to lack an explanation/ and my middle was getting a little thic so I ain't singing 'bout whiskey, I ain't singing 'bout wine/ I ain't slurring my words or stumbling through so-called good times/ no more hangovers or heavy pours/ I ain't singing about drinking anymore/ so I got scared and went to see the doctor/ she looked me up and down shaking her head/ she said I'll give it to you straight young man, you're going to kill yourself on 12 oz cans/ in fact I'm surprised you're not already dead/ so I ain't singing 'bout whiskey, I ain't singing 'bout wine/ I ain't slurring my words or stumbling through so-called good times/ no more hangovers or heavy pours/ I ain't singing about drinking anymore/ I ain't singing about drinking anymore

I built a prison out of all my possessions and I begged you to move in with me/ I raised the emotional rent by a thousand percent, locked the door, then went and lost the key/ you made your escape, only a little too late, for our love had slipped into arrears/ I couldn't pay what I owed but Ol' Billy Joe, he was right there to take away my tears/ Saint Shaver, Saint Shaver, please answer my prayers/ I know that you don't know me and this is out of thin air/ but Saint Shaver, Saint Shaver, please make me not care that I'm gonna live forever alone/ the week before Christmas I asked for forgiveness/ but in your heart you was already gone/ your friends showed up, threw your stuff in a truck/ you moved out and quickly moved on/ but I still remember, baby, we were happy together/ and it don't seem like too long ago/ but hell, I don't need her, buddy I got my space heater/ and I got faith in Ol' Saint Billy Joe/ Saint Shaver, Saint Shaver, please answer my prayers/ I know you're probably drinking with the big man upstairs/ but Saint Shaver, Saint Shaver, please make me not care that I'm going to live forever alone/ Saint Shaver, Saint Shaver, please answer my prayers/ I know you're probably shooting at the angels up there/ but Saint Shaver, Sainr Shaver, please make me not care that I'm going to live forever alone/ Saint Shaver, Saint Shaver, I know this is it/ the universe is forcing me to be fired or quit/ Saint Shaver, Saint Shaver, help me not give a shit that I'm going to live forever a-/ I'm gonna live forever, I'm gonna cross that river, alone

I'm sorry that I stopped calling, but you never seem to answer your phone/ I aired on the side of caution and left you to lick your demons alone/ you tried to run from your shadow 'til being fine was too hard to fake/ you went and left us all haunted, and I hate myself for every call that I didn't make/ well I can't even fathom the hopeless hollow that your heart harbored in/ you were always a fighter, you just got tired of always taking it on the chin/ I'm not here to pass judgment, it was your life to live, your life to take/ I just want to say that I love you, and I hate myself for every call that I didn't make/ for the love of whatever, as long as it keeps you alive/ for the love of each other, I need a little help from my friends to get by/ for the love of the moment, cuz it's all that we got 'til it's gone/ for the love of the music, it's the only thing that'll outlive us all/ and goddamn it, Daniel, don't you think we've all had days like these/ where babylon goes and breaks your heart and brings you to your knees/ but don't you think those cracks that form are leaving room to fill with gold?/ we always thought you'd change the world, but now I guess we'll never know/ for the love of whatever, as long as it keeps you alive/ for the love of each other, I need a little help from my friends to get by/ for the love of the moment, cuz it's all that we got 'til it's gone/ for the love of the music, it's the only thing that will outlive us all/ for the love of whatever, as long as it keeps you alive/ for the love of the music, we do what we need to to survive

I was a curious kid by the lake I would capture frogs/ and with curious hands skin them alive/ I would pin their pelts up proud to the garage wall/ stretched to let the leather dry/ I was a hunter I was a fisherman/ I was a murderer I was American/ playing war in the woods, smoking cigs I stole from my dad/ everything was my enemy/ in the name of Christ I would punch and kick and stab/ burn the world in effigy/ I was a predator I was a preacher's son/ I was a murderer I was American/ I had an ignorance that upheld my faith/ I didn't know my size or strength/ small town, true crimes, touchdown, F5/ tall tales, white lies, small town, true crimes/ now I'm stressing and obsessing on existence and the great beyond/ spent my boyhood a believer 'til god proved me wrong/ saturated, forced and faded, castigated for some flawed design/ now I hold no hope in heaven but I'll drink their wine/ small town, true crimes, touchdown, F5/ tall tales, white lies, small town, true crimes

I was late to school that morning, but hell, what else was new/ sloppy, cynical, and stoned as I snuck into homeroom/ stole the last desk in the back row, praying Mr. Matthews didn't see/ as some nameless skyscraper smouldered on an AV club TV/ and the shop owners up and down main street swept their stoops like any other day/ cuz New York City was only a movie set a million miles away/ and at night they all slept soundly, knowing that the good guys always won/ as the world kept on spinning 'round an indifferent sun/ crass and cavalier, kicked back in my chair like I couldn't care less/ talking trash and posing for the preppy girls, but no one seemed impressed/ I lost all cool when I saw flight 175 take tower number two/ we just sat and stared in dumb suburban silence, there wasn't much else we could do/ and the old drunks and their accomplices sipped breakfast down at the R&A/ bitching about bullshit bureaucrats a billion miles away/ and at night they stumbled home safely knowing that the good guys always won/ Saturdays they'll be sinning, Sunday morning they'll be singing to an indifferent son/ so after second period I skipped with my heart pounding in my throat/ I walked down to the Rooster to pretend to read and stare and smoke and mope/ everything outside of city limits seemed fictional and strange/ and I didn't know it then but in that instance the entire world had changed/ and the shop owners up and down main street locked their doors at the end of the day/ swearing they could feel the ground shake from a million miles away/ and at night they lied awake staring, wondering whether the good guys always won/ as the world kept on spinning around an indifferent sun/ Saturday nights we'll be sinning, and Sunday mornings we'll be singing to an indifferent son

Adam Hooks - Lead Vocals, Acoustic Guitar

Joshua Lee - Lead Guitar

Ryan Martino - Bass, Additional Vocals

Parker Twomey - Keys, Additional Vocals

Dustin Hoag - Drums

Produced, recorded, and mixed by Matt Pence at The Echo Lab - Denton, TX

Assisted by Nathan Walters

Mastered by Jessica Thompson

Artwork by Zach Leyba

Thereʼs no one place that can claim it bore and raised me

We were on the move so much our roots never caught the ground

The lord left us stranded out on the South Dakota prairie

Faithless, we settled for less in my hometown

As a teenager I took well to troublemaking

Testing all the boundaries I believed should be torn down

Loud and obnoxious until the local law took notice

They made sure I never felt at home in my hometown

They locked me up so that I might learn some manners

They shipped me off so that I might shut my mouth

So when I turned eighteen I turned those keys and vanished

I ran as far as I fuckinʼ could from my hometown

It left me with a rage thatʼs still boiling in my blood

Feelings of hate that are holding me back for good

And when it rains on the field we raise praise to God

Then blame it all on the devil when the river floods

I pull the Brown County blues from the highest shelf

Pour one out for the past and two for myself

Weep until Iʼm rusted then refill my cup

Thereʼs nowhere left here to hide when the sun comes up

Thereʼs nowhere left here to hide when the sun comes up

Now every time I cross that county line my stomach clenches

And I scream so hard it never makes a sound

I lose myself trudging through my traumaʼs trenches

Then I come to driving right through my old hometown

Saying “Thereʼs nothing left here for you in your hometown”

Is what I tell myself every time I come back around

You came home from work at five and kicked me out of bed

I drank my breakfast as you knit and read

I got caught in the past tense as you caught up with current events

I disregarded every word you said

Now I could sit here and lecture about ignorance and sin

But I smoke grass until I pass out and I drink until I spin

I got stuck with these discrepancies that I canʼt seem to shake

Iʼve died a thousand times but I still canʼt seem to learn from my mistakes

And Iʼm so far gone

But thereʼs still a light at the end of the tunnel

But the tunnel is so damn long

That I donʼt think that Iʼm ever gonna reach it

So I keep myself movinʼ on

Scratching at the ceiling, searching for a meaning

Looking for a reason

To keep hanginʼ on

Now Iʼm drunk and drastic, late night, calling you on the phone

And though Iʼm barely conscious my conscience wonʼt leave me alone

I slur and ask you “How you been?” Then segue into selfishness

You hang up, I pass out to the dial tone

Now I could sit here and sympathize about so called rights and wrongs

Or stay up counting my regrets until the sunlight comes

They say itʼs better to regret what you have than what you havenʼt done

Well, unfortunately Iʼd have to disagree

I know Iʼm not the only one

And Iʼm so far gone

But thereʼs still a light at the end of the tunnel

But the tunnel is so damn long

That I donʼt think that Iʼm ever gonna reach it

So I keep myself movinʼ on

Scratching at the ceiling, searching for a meaning

Looking for a reason

To keep hanginʼ on

Iʼve been praying like a penitentè

Whipping myself into shape

Still beneath the scar tissue itʼs so good to see you

Still, Iʼll show the proper restraint

Though I harbor no hopeful illusions

I gave those up back in the day

But I still take to drinking almost every evening

To cure myself of all complaints

I remember the whimsy when weʼd get tipsy

The snow storm as we entered town

The six pack, the sunset, the heartbreak, the regret

Well, if youʼre still up for it, Iʼm down

Still I stick to my guns like a savior

Dragging my cross through the streets

But resurrecting feelings only hinders the healing

Of the holes in my hands and feet

But I still hold steady when the world gets heavy

I keep my heart close to the ground

And that last December seemed to last us forever

Well, if youʼre still up for it, Iʼm down

Lazy Lightning laying by the Rio Grande

Stretched and stoned immaculate along the strand

He donʼt make a lot of money, he donʼt make a lot of plans

Except for baking on the banks of the river

Rolling with the water keeping nice and cool

Holding his head under ‘til his face turns blue

He donʼt got a lot of money, he donʼt got a lot to do

Except for baking on the banks of the river

They like to call him “lazy” ‘cause heʼs livinʼ free

Keeping coyotes and cottonwoods company

Casting lines, casting shadows like a sundial passing time

He donʼt play by the rules and he donʼt pay no mind

Lazy Lightning laying by the Rio Grande

Just basking in the beauty of the borderland

He donʼt make a lot of money but he makes a lot of friends

Just baking on the banks of the river

Not a care in the world, not a cloud in the sky

Just whistling to the fishes and the wind blows by

He donʼt got a lot of money but heʼs down to get you high

Leave you baking on the banks of the river

They like to call him lazy ‘cause heʼs livinʼ free

Unburdened by the boundaries of society

Casting lines, casting shadows like a sundial passing time

He donʼt play by the rules and he donʼt pay no mind

They like to call him lazy ‘cause heʼs livinʼ free

Unburdened by the boundaries of society

Casting lines, casting shadows like a sundial passing time

He donʼt hoot, he donʼt holler, he donʼt make no fuss

Heʼs the little bit of fight still left in all of us

Heʼs a real good man, but donʼt expect him to walk the line

‘Cause he donʼt play by the rules and he donʼt pay no mind

I used to dream Iʼd find you

Buried shallow in the field behind my Grandmaʼs house in Belview

A unique paranoia seeped itʼs way

From Twin City suburbs into rural Minnesota

And the look of fear in my motherʼs eyes

When I hid from her in that department store

And the look of fear in your motherʼs eyes

Crying me to sleep on the living room floor

Our parents used to use you

Exploiting your name to impose upon us

All their worries, cares, and curfews

Our unique paranoia

Silver lined the longest shadows

On the lonely walk to school

And I heard you asked what youʼd done wrong

Before he leveled the gun to lay you low

And your mother asked what sheʼd done wrong

Begging for you to come home on the radio

I heard you finally came home

I heard they kept the porch light on

For twenty seven years

They never once locked their front door

I heard you finally came home

I heard they finally found you

Some piece of shit got cornered and confessed

In a subversive act of virtue

Our unique paranoia suddenly came true

And the look of relief in my motherʼs eyes

When she found me hiding in that department store

And the look of relief in your motherʼs eyes

When she finally laid them on your bones

I heard you finally came home

I heard they kept the porch light on

For twenty seven years

They never once locked their front door

I heard you finally came home

Well, the prophet has received a revelation

And Iʼve been called upon to bring about Godʼs will

My faith is strong, I need no further explanation

Only the names of those Iʼm commanded to kill

Word from above says that the wicked walk amongst us

Word from the East brings news of murder at Haunʼs Mill

So Iʼll take charge of every order in accordance with the scriptures

And be smiled down upon for every drop of blood I spill

So when the sun burns black and the hammer cocks back

Only then will you know my name

I carry true redemption in the triggerʼs tension

The promise of eternal flame

Brother Brighamʼs bringinʼ ‘bout Revelations

With a bible and a gun

I will rain damnation, I will call down thunder

The devil better run

Thy will be done

Iʼm the apostle of atonement

I am the long arm of the law

And I will cast my shadow across Hell and all itʼs heathens

Sure as Daniel was saved from the lionʼs jaw

We caught ‘em camped at Mountain Meadows

Iʼve been given the go ahead

Through my prayers Iʼve been commanded to cast judgement with conviction

Scatter their bones and stain the canyons red

So when the sun burns black and the hammer cocks back

Only then will you know my name

I carry true redemption in the triggerʼs tension

The promise of eternal flame

Brother Brighamʼs bringinʼ ‘bout Revelations

With a bible and a gun

I will rain damnation, I will call down thunder

The devil better run

Thy will be done

I am the angel of destruction

I am the left hand of the lord

And I will be rewarded with the highest point of heaven

For every soul that I save by the sword

So when the sun burns black and the hammer cocks back

Only then will you know my name

I carry true redemption in the triggerʼs tension

The promise of eternal flame

Brother Brighamʼs bringinʼ ‘bout Revelations

With a bible and a gun

I will rain damnation, I will call down thunder

The devil better run

Thy will be done

A light touch on the shoulder just to let me know sheʼs there

Secret notes slipped in my wallet make me richer than any millionaire

Still my cynicism settled in and I swore last time Iʼd learned

But I got caught catching feelings, girl, thatʼs cause for some concern

Let me tell you why....

Baby, Iʼm bad news

Stay far away from me

Iʼm a kind hearted man, but still the kind of man

That keeps the devilʼs company

I begged her to tread lightly, lord

If I were to let her in

She said “Boy, youʼre gonna fuck around

and make me fall in love again.”

No softer lips have kissed

The hardened skin this light shines through

And the tenderness of her caress

Has long been overdue

Sheʼs got them curves from California

She says she wants to bring me home

Well, sheʼs got it bad for me boy

But thereʼs something I should know

She turned to me and said

“Baby, Iʼm bad news

Stay far away from me

Iʼm a kind hearted woman but not the kind of women

Whoʼll bow out gracefully

Donʼt give a damn if youʼre sober

Just promise me youʼll be true.”

I said “Girl, youʼre gonna fuck around

and get a song named after you.”

Baby, Iʼm bad news

We fell in codependency, but we liked to call it love

A romance poorly written in the darkest stars above

Connecting over cocaine and our common misery

The black widows in my bathroom kept much better company

‘cause youʼd get blackout drunk, black both my eyes

And bully me with blame

Snort speed with scumbags, sleep around,

And scandalize my name

You liked to promise me forever when tequila kept the time

So you can be a hero in your own story, but youʼre a minor villain in mine

We kept it kicking so long that the facade began to fail

Any other true romantic would have turned ‘round and tucked tail

Still we gave it our best SHOTS! And then we drank a couple more

You put the bottle in your pocket and you walked on out that door

cause youʼd get blackout drunk, black both my eyes

And bully me with blame

Snort speed with scumbags, sleep around,

And scandalize my name

You liked to promise me forever when tequila kept the time

So you can be a hero in your own story, but youʼre a minor villain in mine

Sometimes I get sentimental when Iʼve sipped too many beers

And I slip into a sadness thinking ‘bout those wasted years

I start to feel to feel sorry for you, but Iʼve since seen through the fog

Because you broke my nose, you broke my heart, and then you took my dogs

cause youʼd get blackout drunk, black both my eyes

And bully me with blame

Snort speed with scumbags, sleep around,

And scandalize my name

You liked to promise me forever when tequila kept the time

So you can be a hero in your own story, but youʼre a minor villain in mine

You can be a hero in your own story, but youʼre a minor villain in mine

God and Satan called a truce one cold, wet Christmas Eve

They drank and laughed while looking down on fools who still believed

On fools who still believed

They met high on the mountain for their yearly gift exchange

Passinʼ absinthe back and forth ‘Til they were both deranged

‘Til they were both deranged

The Devil, seeingʼ double, says “Your flock has gone astray

Iʼve overheard the evil in the things for which they pray

The things for which they pray.”

“They quote your word to justify their bigotry and greed.

The rules were set, you lost the bet, now hand over the deed!

Now hand over the deed!”

God sat back and took a swig, said “I sʼpose itʼs just as well.

What Manʼs done to this world Iʼve made is worse than any Hell

Is worse than any Hell.”

“I gave to them my only son, I gifted them free will

And all they ever use it forʼs to rob and rape and kill

To rob and rape and kill.”

They drained the bottle, tossed it to the desert floor below

Where itʼs buried somewhere in the sands of New Mexico

Somewhere in New Mexico

All I need is Vitamin C and a kiss on the cheek in the morning

A promise and a pretty face on a picture in my wallet

A place to go, a hand to hold, someone to hold my hair back

When Iʼve drunk a bit too much

And if it ainʼt love itʼs close enough, ‘cause

All my friends are having babies

All my friends are getting married

All my friends are getting boring

All I want is a house to haunt and a cure for death and dying

A never land, a safety plan, a life lived without wanting

A halo and a heart of gold, spare change in my pocket

Endless youth and living proof

A million stories, a million chances, ‘cause

All my friends are having babies

All my friends are getting married

All my friends are getting buried

You donʼt have to grow old

You donʼt have to grow up

You donʼt have to give up

just yet

Recorded and Mixed by Matthew Tobias at empty house studio (Albuquerque, NM)

Mastered by Doug Van Sloan at Focus Mastering (Omaha, NE)

Produced by Joshua Lee

Musicians:

Adam Hooks - Lead Vocals, Background Vocals, Acoustic Guitar

Joshua Lee - Electric Guitars

Ry Warner - Bass, Dulcimer

Dustin Hoag - Drums, Percussion

Scott Gaeta Piano, Organ

Emily Anslover - Fiddle

Jeff Wilson - Bass

Jon McMillan - Upright Bass

Dave Devlin - Dobro, Mandolin

Amanda Machon - Additional Vocals

Sarah Rowe - Additional Vocals

Eddie Brewer - Additional Vocals